booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
