the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
