we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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