What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
