RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
