After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
