Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
