Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
