I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
