Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
