I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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