You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
