I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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