Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
