I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
