Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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