I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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