i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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