Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
