i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
