One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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