I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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