His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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