I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
