we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
