onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
