do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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