ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
