So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
