I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Still dying that you shit outside
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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