Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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