isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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