OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
