Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
