Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
