My cat gives me a boner
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
