If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
