I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
