i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
