so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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