I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
