He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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