dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
