my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
