she kept yelling 'call me bella'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
