I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
