I think my fart just growled at me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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