OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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