Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
