I wish I could teleport
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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