please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
