It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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