Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
