Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
