i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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