When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
