The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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