so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
