it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
