Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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