am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
