I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
