i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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