That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
