if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
