I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
