Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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