I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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