He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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