Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
