Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
