We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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