oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's an acceptable place to lick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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