was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
