I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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