Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
