The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
