Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
