when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
